Self-compassion

It’s time to be kind to you. It’s time to stop doing all the things. It’s time to slow down, tap in, and listen up. It’s time to talk about self-compassion.

One of my favorite quotes is from a Morgan Harper Nichols poem,

“Let today be the day you are kind to yourself.”

We put so many aspirations into the elusive “someday” category. But it’s time to start being kind today. Not someday. Right now. Right here.

We are a tired people. Hurried. Scheduled. Frazzled. Exhausted. And the idea of pausing to ask “why” may seem more like a luxury than a practicality. But if we don’t slow down and inquire, even just for a moment, our merry-go-round of activity will continue to spin us around - dizzying our minds, draining our bodies, and rattling our hearts.

How many days are we able to proceed with intention? To step forward - towards the sink as we brush our teeth or the fridge as grab the non-dairy coffee creamer or the driver’s-side door as we load up the car for drop-off - with clarity and contentment. Yes, I am right where I need to be. Yes, I take this step on purpose. Yes, I can smile knowing this is a day in which I can shine.

Anyone…? Anyone spend time this morning shining amidst the morning rush? Or did you spill your coffee, forget if you closed the garage door, and somehow - once again - start your day two steps behind where you needed to be?

Practical presence tips are kind of my thing. If you’ve been with me for a bit, you know that accessible + sustainable is my sweet spot. And so, on this dreary weekday morning, that’s the gift I have for you. Practical. And Simple.

So here it is, Ma. The answer to your unending exhaustion: slow down. Pause. Stop. Sit. It’s time. You must.

And you mustn’t get mad. If you’re thinking, “I’d love to slow down… but how will x-y-z get done with me lounging on the sofa???” stick with me.

You cannot get your footing on the merry-go-round. You will not know which way is up, and you will continue to “advance” your life in a frenzied fashion. Sure, it will seem as though you are advancing. You’ll progress day after day - crossing sporadic to-do’s off the list. Kids will grow. Seasons will change. Hairs will grey. Time will continue to plod along. But you - your truest sense of you - will still be spinning.

Until you stop. Until you choose to care for yourself enough to slow down. Until you decide - it is time to be kind - and then things can change. They need to. This way is not sustainable. And it doesn’t feel great. And you are great - and this life is yours to be delighted in.

Let’s practice pausing together right now. Ask yourself this question: Is “delightful” a word I could use to describe one day in the last week of my life? If yes, I’m raising my Luke-warm cup of coffee to you - wonderful! If no, it’s okay. Delight is our destiny. And we can arrive there. We can experience delightful days and delightful moments and a delight-filled life. Stick with me.

Just like all practical, simple steps, a delightful life begins with a choice: do I stop? Do I care about myself enough to hit the pause button? Do I show myself the kindness my being - my truest sense - requires? Do I slow down long enough to get off the ride?

Notice that the question is not, “can I?” but “do I?” You can. You may not feel like you can, but you can. And if you feel as if you can’t, then that will be the first stop for you once you get off the ride.

Repeat after me:

I can.

Yes, I can.

I can, and I will.

Self-Compassion begins with noticing. What am I experiencing right now that is making me stuck? What is causing this pain… this suffering… this discomfort? What care do I require at this moment?

It’s so hard to pin-point anything when our head is spinning. So we must stop. Get our footing. Get to neutral. Take a few breaths.

And we don’t just stop mindlessly. Throw on a new season of something on Netflix and zone. Self-compassion is kind, and it is also courageous. It asks the tricky questions, and it seeks clarity. And with courage + inquiry, we are guided to solutions. New, simple, delightful solutions.

And as we kindly notice, we are better enabled to respond. Maybe we respond by taking action, maybe we simply begin to think a little differently. With a little less judgement and a little more acceptance.

We don’t fix everything all at once - every problem that needs to be solved or nuance needing tweaking. We start small, and we start sweetly. Simply by choosing.

In this journey of self-compassion, we start by stopping.

How can you stop today? Where is there a moment when you can breathe a little deeper? Sit a little longer? Reflect a little truer? Such that you can ask yourself: how am I right now?

This path of self-kindness isn’t a quick fix - it’s gradual. And it can be gentle. Maybe just for today, you ask yourself one of these questions. And that’s enough. Or maybe you jot the question down in a journal, and then go about your day. Self-compassion isn’t a hurried journey, and heavens knows we’re quite practiced in hurrying. Let this path be a practice in gentle. A practice in contentment through the unknown. A practice in pause.

For those interested in a series of delightful moments of pause + reflection strung together, consider joining one of our upcoming women’s retreats. You don’t have to do this alone. Each of us needs support, practical prompts, and reminders. Stick with me; I’ll keep them coming.

Breath in - pause.

Breathe out - pause.

Repeat as needed.

I’d love to hear how you’ve chosen to welcome pause into your day. Know that I’m cheering you on from afar.

You can do this.