Choose what feels better

Aaaand… I’m annoyed. Is this blog going to become the space I leverage to process my emotions? Perhaps. Stay with me though.. I promise to have a value-added offer or two nestled in these paragraphs.

So, remember how I said I’m working on asking for what I need? Well today I did. I asked someone for a favor. (You never know the answer until you ask, Dear One). And they said… “no.”

Whaaaaaaaaaat? I thought the spiritual practice was the asking. Get better at the asking. Go bolder with the asking. All will be revealed in the asking. You’ll receive your validation in the asking.

How did the answer become a variable in this lesson?

Here’s how it went down: I heard “no,” and I felt physical constriction in my body. And, of course, it was then time to make lunch. Wonderful. So I concluded my unsuccessful interaction - though it didn’t feel concluded at all to me - and I shifted into mama-mode.

Must. Nourish. Family.

Two cans of tuna fish, a few slices of Ezekial bread, an avocado, summer salad, and pot of Lipton ring-o-noodle-o soup later (Gabby’s been making some Very particular cuisine requests lately), and I’m crankily eating a well-balanced mid-day meal. Nutritionally-satisfied. Still very much annoyed.

When an interaction is left unresolved, I can almost feel the gap that remains. Like the physical constriction that’s been created begins to knot itself into an ornate butterfly loop inside my core, and the intentional holes woven into the shape yearn to be filled. To be completed. “Just pull it tighter, close the loops, quick quick quick…” I can feel my being beckon. But the loop isn’t meant to be pulled shut. There is purpose and a power in the lingering open space of the knot. And this moment was now requesting that I honor time in this open space.

*Do note: Butterfly loops are used by mountain climbers; I did not know this until I googled “types of knots,” found a lovely one that illustrated the visual this analogy required, and then searched “what is a butterfly loop used for.” I am not a knot expert, but I do find them quite lovely. And quite useful in representing the inner resistance I experience from unresolved scenarios.

So now, the family is fed, it’s nap time, and I have a bit of physical space in my day.

You may now process your emotions, Dear One.

I gather my journal, glass of water, + Cadbury chocolate bar and settle at our backyard bistro table.

I began to write in my journal, honoring my feelings on the page:

I am feeling annoyed (worse).

I asked for what I wanted and was denied (worse).

I feel bad (worse).

I’m sure there are other options (better).

We just have to find them (same).

I wish it worked out today (worse).

That doesn’t meant it won’t work out (better).

Things always seem to work out (better).

I believe things will work out (same).

And I continued to list my feelings, allowing each one to land on the page, determining if it made me feel better, the same, or worse when feeling it, all the while striving for a better feeling one. That’s it.

Now, this practice may feel a bit silly. Maybe not silly, but at least simple. So simple it can’t possibly be effective, right?

But here’s the deal: our feelings need to be seen. They require the spotlight - even briefly - in order to be observed and then released. When we fail to observe the things we feel, you better believe they’re going to surface again. It’s like pushing a beach ball under the water. You can hold it under the surface for a bit, sure. But at some point, you’re going to forget you were holding it or it’s going to get too tough to keep pushing down, and up it will pop. And most frequently, at an inopportune time.

So here’s what the Better Feeling journaling will do for us:

• It allows us to simply + sweetly observe our feelings. Write them, see them, honor them. “Oh there you are, feelings. Hello again, annoyance…”

• It assists us in moving to a better emotional space than we started. Even if we transition from a feeling of frustration to one of boredom, isn’t that better? It’s not necessary to leap from anger to bliss in order to feel better; just ascending one emotion at a time is super valuable. Baby steps, friend.

• And once the feelings feel sufficiently felt (yup), they’ll gently pass. And onward + upward you will go, experiencing lighter brighter emotions that will enable a much more productive + grounded day. Or at the very least, a more happily curated meal for your family.

Today, this practice helped me transition from frustration to positive anticipation. The final feeling sentence I wrote today was “I am excited (better)” Lovely. That’s a deep-exhale-of-a-feeling for this girl, let me tell you.

In my own personal practice, I have supplemented this exercise with one little step. Whatever the final feeling sentence is that I pen, I will allow it to linger with me like a mantra. I’ll say it aloud. I’ll repeat it in my mind a few times. I’ll re-write it at the top of the page, possibly surrounding it with hearts, stars, + squiggles the way we used to scribble + love-on our crush’s name in our Lisa Frank trapper-keepers a few decades back.

As I concluded today’s exercise, I felt both held and seen. I laughed at (finally) seeing the spiritual lesson that unfolded before me; one that had been hidden in the initial jumble of inner loops + knots. Knots that made me so deeply uneasy a few hours ago and that now left me both grounded + psyched.

The inner tension slowly subsided, not sharply or quickly, but gently + gradually. As if my butterfly knot was being carefully unwound within me. Unwound - yes, but still leaving traces of the knot that once existed there. A bit of a bend here and a frayed edge there. Evidence from the emotional journey now present in my being. Evidence + memory that will make future processing a bit quicker, perhaps.

You can unwind any inner resistance you experience through journaling. We’ll continue to connect on other processing techniques when you’re feeling big feelings that need to be seen. Until then, try the Better Feeling exercise. The practice can take as little as 2 minutes. And don’t be alarmed if a particular feeling requires more time to process. You can always come back to it, recognizing that the exercise is helping you take one step at a time towards a better feeling emotion. I’ve included a little 1-2-3 instruction for the practice below. I would love so very much to hear how it serves you! And I am now positively anticipating the goodness that will come from your journey with this practice.

Better Feeling journaling process:

1. Write down a feeling-based sentence and beside it, indicate if that sentence makes you feel better, the same, or worse.

2. Write the next feeling sentence that comes to mind, indicating “better,” “same,” or “worse” once again.

3. Continue processing thru your pen until you get to a satisfying emotion that you’d like to carry with you.

I learned this practice from Esther + Abraham Hicks in the book “The Amazing Power of Deliberate Intent.” It’s remarkable in its simplicity and its impact. Grateful to be sharing it right here with you ♥️